Friday, March 09, 2007
hello you. how are you today?
and i reply. not so good. not really the way i want my life to turn out to be.
it seems that life has walked out of me. well walked away from me. its been god knows when since i was myself around my friends. and i dont think i can really find that me anytime soon. its been one hellofa ride for me.
like i've said. i have a problem and i cant seem to find a solution. i always never fail to find a logical and suitable situation for everything but this time i have failed and it seems that its all down to 1 major problem. me. i am the main source of problems in my own hectic and false life.
i dont like who i am now. i dont like who i am today. right here. sitting on my chair. and i dont like whatever i have done. i dont like who i am today. i hate who i am today. i want to change. and i want to change for good. God, please tell me where to start?
i can never forget the words from my best of friends. those who stuck through with me. but i cant hold on to you guys forever. some, i love too much to hurt. just to even think of telling them would hurt them and i do not want to hurt and destroy what friendships mean to you guys and i.
im everything im not. and its not natural. i cannot not think of what i was last time and what i am now. all i can say that i dont want to be a think beautiful book with rubbish and nonsense as the content. i dont want to be full of shit anymore. i dont want to be who i am today. i hate who i am. i want to change. i want to. i want to.
life is like that. it walks away from you when youre at your happiest point and when it leaves you. it destroys you slowly from the inside. how i wish some one would pick me up from this living hell of internal conflicts going by, and whizzing past my brain which kills me softly from the inside out.
i need help.
come please im calling.
hurry im falling, im falling.
teach me wrong from right.
say it for me, say it to me.
say it if its worth saving me.
Posted at 7:01 AM
